Learning From Failure
How my Failures led me back to God
Dan
1/13/20246 min read
Today’s blog is a hard one for me. I am going to focus on ways that I have failed in my life. Failure is a part of life and we need to learn from it. At least we should. But I let life tear me down. God not only saved me, but showed me that failure can show us weaknesses that we didn’t know we had. I figured I would share my experience with the hope that it helps someone else.
When I was younger, I felt like I was a good person. I was happy to learn new things and I shared my skills with others. I tried to hang around with everyone and try new things. For the most part, I stayed out of trouble and studied hard. And I felt like I knew God. After all, I had read the New Testament. What else did I need to do?
The amazing thing about getting older is that you tend to see things differently. I did care about others, but not as deeply as I expected. I was overly confident in my computer skills and never pushed myself. In fact, I just went with the flow. This is fairly natural at 16 years old, but my curve was a bit flatter than most people. Mine continued until I was in my 40’s.
As I did hit my 40’s, life kicked me in the teeth. My parents got sick. I developed diabetes. My wife and I welcomed our first child. I switched jobs and was suddenly the least knowledgeable person in the room. And my faith in God waned. I discovered that without solid foundation, your life can fall apart fast.
My Dad got sick first. I jumped at the chance to help him out. I sat with him and watched videos together on my iPhone. We flew remote control helicopters together. We went for car rides together. It was then that I discovered something I did not know before.
My Dad was pretty awesome! I never saw him that way before. He was just...Dad. He taught me to be so independent that I never really got to know him. We were quite different. He was a farmer and I was a computer guy. He liked mechanical devices and I had no interest in them. He only had a 3rd grade education and I went to college. He loved racing and I watched football. Although we tried, we never quite clicked.
By the time I started to put in the effort to really know him, our time was limited. We started to talk and share more. We shared stories and played cards. I got to finally see him for what he was….My Dad! Amazing how perspective can change. But I could have had that relationship for years. I missed out and we don’t get a second chance.
God says to honor your mom and dad. When the time was close, he asked me to take care of Mom. I told him that I would do that for him. I thought I was a good son. I wanted to live up to my promise. But life had more in store for me. I had abandoned God years ago and the strain was starting to affect me.
My Mom developed dementia a while before my Dad passed away. We all suspected it, but she held herself together remarkably for Dad’s sake. She had amazing focus. But once Dad passed away, the disease started to take over.
And it hit her hard. Her husband, her brothers and her friends were all gone and felt alone. She started to lose her freedom and needed more help. My Mom was a proud person and didn’t like asking for help. Her life was about helping others, not the other way around. It made her cry and she blame herself for things that were out of her control.
This is the worst part. While I visited her a lot in the beginning, life was wearing me down. Instead of stepping up, I started to made excuses not to go. Some were legitimate, some were not. It was my moment to shine and I fizzled out. Without God’s strength, I faded away from her.
I am still haunted by my inaction. God tells us that He gives us “power, love, and self-discipline.” I should have turned to him. I needed strength and my well was empty. I needed His help.
Work was also overwhelming me. A friend asked me to come work with him about 6 years ago. I knew that the job was out of my skill level, but jumped at it. I would be working with a good friend and the extra money would help. I told myself that I could figure things out.
But once again, I was mistaken. It was a big jump. My strength left me. My coworkers intimidated me. Everything I tried seemed to fail. I was a small fish in an awfully big pond. I floundered and sank.
Once again, God says he will give you strength and the help you need. Instead of feeling alone and being too ashamed to ask for help, I should have put my faith in God. I should have reached out more and pushed through the hardships. I should have leaned on my coworkers who could have assisted me. I did find my footing eventually. The sad part is that my skills would be further along right now if I had stepped up.
Why didn’t I know how awesome my Dad was? Why did I fail at taking care of my Mom? And why did I struggle at my job? It took me a while to figure it out, but God showed me the answer. I was focused on me.
My Dad could tear a tractor down to spare parts and put it back together without a manual. He ran his own business (the farm) and retired in his early 50’s (my age). He was a good wood worker and could make anything. Finally and most importantly, he was a good Dad.
Instead of getting to know him better, my focus was on computers. Computers were not part of Dad’s world. He didn’t understand them. Instead of learning more about him, I tried to teach him about computers. He would tell me that learning is just harder as you get older. Ironically, I found that out myself.
The job I took involved Linux. I knew a bit of simple programming and I worked at the help desk for years. I thought I had a decent computer foundation. But I knew nothing about Linux. It is a whole different beast than working with Windows. I had a hard time embracing this whole new world. And ironically, I was now in my Dad’s shoes. I get it now. I just wish I had the chance to tell him.
As for my Mom, she was an amazing person. After her and Dad retired from the farm, she went back to work in a factory. He knees were shot, but she would spend 40 hours working on concrete floors. She rarely used the money on herself. She would bake for others, give money to us kids and the church, and she was a part of the rosary club. She never thought of herself.
She loved God and was very faithful to Him. Ironically, the one person who could have appreciated my journey and helped me walk the path is the very person I didn’t help. And now that I finally embraced God, she is already with Him. She is now the example I use to grow in my own faith. But I would have been so much further along if I had her assistance.
Parting Words
You can learn so much if you just open your eyes and let God help you. God has a plan for all of us. We need to put our faith in him. He will guide us. He will give us strength when we need it. The bible teaches us that God will not let us be tempted beyond what we can handle. He will give us ways out. I chose poorly.
https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/1-Corinthians-Chapter-10/#13
I hope my story will help someone out there. Do not continue to make the same mistake. It is not that hard to change, but you can’t be afraid to take the first steps. He will help you from there,